It’s been a while since I’ve spilled any thoughts anywhere. I am long overdue. I am hesitant to articulate anything these days–mostly because I am not sure what to expand upon. Yet here we are. My mind is full, and I don’t know where to go with it. My head is spinning. I am not sure if I can make sense of any of it, but I will try.
One thing I have forgotten is when you are around good people: people who are nice to you and treat you with respect and believe in you–it can bring out the best in you. The opposite is also true. If you are surrounded by ignorant assholes–it can–and probably will–bring out the absolute worst. The best and the worst. We’ve all been both of those people. And we’ve brought out both of these people in others. Some have a conscience. Some are capable of self-awareness. Most won’t think twice.
I’ve always said who I am depends on you. And while that is true, it should not be so. Who I am should depend on me. The same goes for you.
Mother Teresa spoke of authenticity and perseverance in her poem “Do It Anyway.” Perhaps you know it. If not, I suggest you look it up and take a read. She makes many good points. Despite how others treat you, be yourself. Your authentic self. Your best self. Forgive. Be kind. Succeed. Be honest and frank. Build. Be happy. Do good. Give the world the best you’ve got. “You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.” It had nothing to do with the other person. Ever. It was all you.
Now I am not sure if it is because I am getting older and becoming more sensitive, watching society become more and more desensitized to sin, or witnessing the state of the world descend to Hell at record speeds–or all of these, but I feel a closeness to God I haven’t in a while–or maybe ever. In a world that’s more confused than ever, I have never been so certain of the truth. And I’ve never felt so in need of daily repentance, thankful for forgiveness, or wanting God’s mercy. I’ve never been so frightened.
Fear can be a good thing if it’s the right fear. Proverbs 1:7 says “Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; only fools despise wisdom and discipline.” I obey God when I fear him. And when I am a fool, I don’t. But I always come back. Eventually. And He always forgives and accepts me. And as I watch the world crash and burn, I’ve never felt so much need for that closeness.
Every generation thinks the end is near. And depending on the way time works in Heaven; they’ve all been right. But it’s closer than ever. Like a snowball down a mountain; it’s going faster and faster and getting bigger and bigger. And I fear more and more to get my life right and my relationship with God in check. I feel a sense of urgency to work on my spiritual health the way gym rats work on their physical health.
I watch as the scriptures unfold. Frightened. Thankful. Self-aware. And as I see just how out of control everything is, I finally get it. God is in control. He has the final say. And all I can do is my part. Because it was never about them anyway. It was about me and God. And that I can control.
“As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. “Tell us,” they said, “when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and the end of the age?” Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, “I am the Messiah,” and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase in wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.” (Matthew 24:4-14.)
May the fear of God rise within us, the mercy of God overcome us, and the forgiveness of God humble us. May we put on the shoes of our neighbors and go for a walk. May we do good and be good despite ourselves. Amen.
paper-umbrellas 